How I see therapy: “The Onion Model”

When I’m talking to people and explaining what exactly I do, and how it might be of help to them, I like to explain it with what I call the “onion model”.

Imagine someone says to you “You’ve got big ears”, and you get 10/10 angry. Fire and brimstone. That’s the first layer of the onion, anger, 

Let's peel it back. “You know, it’s not that I’m angry, rather, I feel tremendously hurt and embarrassed.

Next layer. “I feel hurt and embarrassed because I really value trust and safety in my relationships

Next layer: You know, growing up my father used to make fun of my ears and call me dumbo

Next layer: My father growing up was always drinking and the few memories I have of him he’s making fun of me

Next layer: My father died in a car accident, and I don’t really have many positive memories, most of them are just him teasing me.

You can almost draw a straight line from all those feelings related to the father (the grief, the sorrow, the sadness, the longing), to the rather silly statement about the ears.

Like this I’ve seen great progress with various issues. Someone comes in struggling with depression, and when you start to dig you discover that what you feel in the present moment as depression is actually deep dissatisfaction with your career that you chose because you were expected to follow in the family footsteps. Or perhaps someone comes in struggling with alcohol and as you peel the layers back, it turns out that actually they really struggle connecting with people and often feel very isolated and they use alcohol to manage that isolation and longing. 

A lot of modern therapy focuses exclusively on the presenting symptoms, the outer layer of the onion. That certainly has it’s merits, and in fact, we’ll also spend a lot of time examining the outer layer, and your relationship to it, and how to work with it. But for some people, the outer layer really is just the outer layer, and it isn’t until they start to peel it back and see the “man behind the curtain” do they feel relief. 

If this sounds like it resonates, and you’re struggling with depression or anxiety in Orlando, reach out. 

—

Practical Details

Location: In-person in Baldwin Park, available virtually throughout FL.

Format: Individual therapy only

Approach: Psychodynamic, depth-oriented

Payment: Private pay, (sliding scale may be available); credit card, debit card, HSA, cash

Specialties: Depression, Anxiety, Addictions, Veterans, Men’s Issues, Neurodivergent & ADHD Counseling

Nick Sterling, MA | Real Counseling Orlando | Depression therapist in Orlando